Join in the contest on Instagram, you will surely win by simply liking, tagging 3 friends & following the sponsors @rawloverecipes @email@example.com@eshmoonholistics - you get the chance of winning from the 3rd price to the 7th & much much more! only US & Canada so tag your friends along, let’s find a way to bring joy to people in these tough days! Thanks for collaborating & spreading the love energy and giveaways!
Running from Nov 20 to Dec 4 - daily prices & big wins announced Dec 5! The big prices: D for detox program & Vitamix A2300 simply by signing up to the Self-Healing Therapy customized program!
All details in the post - make sure to take the time to read & check all the gifts! 💝
Today is May 16th, so Day 10 was yesterday, I had a full day that I didn't write about it on time.
Oh what a wonderful day, full of Metta.
Barely woke up on time for the group sitting at 7 am, as the night before I went late to bed after the meditation. The more and more we meditate, the more and more the words of Metta at the end of the meditation session becomes vibrating.
Oh my, oh my... may all the world live and be in Metta.
Here is the words of the Metta day that I thought about sharing with you... it feels your heart specially after completing all the days of Vipassana. Ref: book - Gem Set in Gold (usually for students who completed their 10 day course)
Practice of metta
May I be free from animosity, may I be free from aversion, may I be free from anger, may I preserve myself happy.
Mother, father, teacher, relatives, and everyone— may they be free from animosity, may they be free from aversion, may they be undisturbed, may they preserve themselves happy.
Protective devas devas of the Earth tree devas devas of the sky
In the direction of the east, in the direction of the south-east, in the direction of the south, in the direction of the south-west, in the direction of the west, in the direction of the north-west, in the direction of the north, in the direction of the north-east, in the direction above, in the direction below.
All beings, all living ones, all creatures, all individuals, all having any form of life, all women, all men, all who have attained purity of mind, all who have not yet attained purity of mind, all humans, all non-humans, all those in celestial realms, all those in states of woe— may they be free from animosity, may they be free from aversion, may they be undisturbed, may they preserve themselves happy.
May all beings be happy, may they all find real security [nibbana], may all enjoy good fortune, may they encounter no evil, may they encounter no grief, may they encounter no suffering.
Oh, you just feeling like reciting these joyous, miraculous words every minute....
So awaken from that, with all the Metta I had in my heart... I thought as it was cloudy outside, best time to start the outer cleansing... House cleaning!
The perfect thing to do to feel fresh, and ready for the new beginning.
Pressed the juices for the day, been using the same recipes from before, only this one I added a new type with Oranges. photos below.
Prepared myself, after the cleaning, the shower, the juices, head to my sister's, got to play with the kids, prepared the dinner with my nephew. We made a really nice vegetable mix in the oven; Cauliflower, onions, garlic, potatoes, red and green pepper, spices, like turmeric, provincial herbs, nutmeg, 7 spices, olive oil and avocado oil. All in the oven for 40 min! Yummy... I allowed myself to have that later when we all sat together to eat.
Also prepared another snack before for the kids, I felt so happy cooking preparing and making stuff... lots of Metta was filling my heart... and serving... such a wonderful feeling.
I spent the whole afternoon and evening there... my day was filled, then had home to rest... which was really really later.. Didn't even get the time to watch the discourse. So I am gonna start soon, before I had back again to my sister's again and have a sleep over.
So This morning, Day 11, I woke up also few minutes before the 7 am group sitting, wonderful meditation, followed by questions and answers. I am truly grateful for all the volunteers who plan this on a daily basis... to allow the sitting to be unified, around the world. Even today they had a half day that I couldn't join, as well as tomorrow.
Following the meditation... oh.. I did so much!
1- Juices some Ginger... and Lime...
I have mentioned in the previous posts that I had started to ferment some kombucha, so it was time to bottle them.
With the juicing of Ginger and Lime, I made a batch with Ginger and a batch with the mix. Then I brew more tea - this time Green Tea and Jasmine, and now fermenting a new bath of Kombucha... I think I will keep on doing that as it has a LOT of nutritional benefits.
Following that, I Juiced again, this time I prepared 5 types of Green ColdPressed Juices.
1- Solely Green
2- Green with Kiwi
3- Green with Pear
4- Green with Apple
5- Green with Oranges
Following that I prepared my facial and body cream, with essential oils... I didn't take a photo and they are currently in the Fridge cooling.
I feel this day was a marathon, and it is not done yet. It is only 14:14.
Up to watch the discourse, pack my stuff and food and head to see the family... & maybe prepare dinner.
Maybe I haven't shared details today... only that I have felt every bless of the day so far... I am sure more is about to happen too.... always blessing, always protection and always love.
It is the ending of day 9, it is 21:22 now, already finished the wonderful Discourse which I will share below... Goenkaji spoke today about many different stories, and lots of guidance, which keeps you always reflecting on how you lived your life and what has changed since you became aware.
For me, since I have taken this course in 2015, so many things have changed in my life... you can even read about it in the post about Vipassana which I posted in 2017. A lot of my own behavior has changed, my temper, my anger, my resistance to things, my way of being, my love and care, my presence to serve, and so much more.... and still there is a lot of work to do... One thing that was very important which he mentioned so many times in examples, is how we make our life miserable because of others, because of so and so.. because of this action or that action... without taking a moment and looking at ourselves to see what is the thing we need to change inside of us to not feel that misery anymore. When we want someone or something to change outside of us or around us, we need to change ourselves and what is inside.... This is something I speak a lot about in the guidance sessions, in the support groups... and I always say, there is always a place for improvement, even for myself.. and I still have a lot of work to do... I am not perfect and no one is...
Goenkaji also spoke about the 10 Paramis which we must take into consideration in our daily life.. as much as we can, and surely in the 10 days course...
and here they are:
Moral conduct (sila)
When you watch the Discourse, you will have more insights and examples about each one... may this guide you to find more peace in your life... it is a daily work, training .... we work hard to get to the final goal... I will keep on working.
As far as for my day after what I have shared in the morning from the previous post... I did go for a walk, wonderful sun, sat down at the top, near the chalet to sunbath a bit, watching the people enjoying their moments.. jogging, skating, biking, loving their partners, playing with their kids, a wonderful scenery - may we go back to normal life where we can all be free from this confinement, be out without hesitation, no separation and no social distancing, where hugging, kissing, embracing becomes normal again.
On my way back home, I get a text from a good friend of mine who passed by in the afternoon to say hello, and as I have broken my silent, I welcomed him with lots of joy, we went for a walk, talked and embrace the moment of friendship again.
Coming back home, & before going in the building, I see an old lady trying to walk with her cane, and she simply says, oh wonderful, wonderful sun and breeze... slowly we open a small conversation, and I get to know that this was her first day out walking, as she had an injury, and AVC few years ago, many cancers, and lately a hip operation, and her Dr. recommended her to go out and walk, but she couldn't find any help, or personnel to help her walk... and we do have a downhill walk - which she is afraid to take alone- and in the conversation before I offer my assistance she mentioned that finally she was able to find a company that they will send her people to walk her out twice per week.
I have never met this lady before, even though she lives on the same floor as mine... she said that it has been 7 years that she is home. So we exchanged phone numbers, and we walked a bit together around the street on the straight side around. And she was absolutely happy... and here is Metta in its place...
We spoke about energy, about eating healthy, and about sprouting, I even taught her how to make wheat-grass to make a juice with it - I know that will help a lot with her situation.
There are so many people out there who are alone... and they are not getting the help they need... so if you are reading this, and know anyone who need such assistance and for a reason or another can not provide it yourself, please do let me know, and I will be happy to be of service.
Just few minutes after, another friend comes by with a wonderful gift.... a gift for my BD... he is always generous, and always remembers me when he buys exotic fruits... and I get these wonderful fruits..
Sugar fruit, Pomegranate, Mango, Papaya, Guava
That was the best BD gift ever... I am so grateful. & I found that that his BD and mine are 7 days apart!
Just before he passed by, I couldn't resist the salad I made yesterday. so I made another one... I think my cravings are getting stronger due to PMsing. It happens few days in the month before the cycle starts!
Then during the discourse, I wanted some popcorn... but.. happily I didn't have... I remembered that I had something else that pops... Guess what it is!!!
It is Amaranth, An Ancient Grain With Impressive Health Benefits
and it is gluten free
This ancient grain is rich in fiber and protein, as well as many important micronutrients.
In particular, amaranth is a good source of manganese, magnesium, phosphorus and iron.
Popping them was interesting, no oil, nothing.. just heat the pot, wait for it to be really hot, put one teaspoon and it pops in seconds.. put the first batch on the side and pop slowly the rest, each teaspoon at a time... and make sure not to burn them... add some salt and enjoy....
More craving for sweets came after.... so in my mind, thinking what can I mix together and enjoy a sweet taste...
and Boom. Apple Pear, coconut, Oats and maple syrup... case solved... but that is not it...
half the quantity made it a pudding, and the other half on the stove, heated...
mix together after and enjoy... and I did, every bite of it..
Maybe that is why I am still awake, as I am still digesting...
Apple Pear Pudding
I am not sure I will share these posts yet, day after day, I think about the benefits of what people will receive after reading these... and I am not sure yet..
When I wrote each post, it was and is happening in the moment... the emotions, the actions, the sensations, the motivation, the sharing, the excitements... ad since I have broken the silence, I feel, oh, ok so now what am I going to share.. so that motivation is not 100% present.. as just feeling the rush of life is almost back to normal...
So until then, will see.
Maybe people need to start subscribing to the blog to receive it... otherwise, I will post with whom ever is already following... and for whom ever ask about the experience or the challenge that I went through, I will guide them to read my journals here.
Time to get ready to meditate my last for the Day 9, and sleep for another day to blossom... Day 10!
Have a good night everyone... sweet dreams... breath in and out and start feeling your sensations... equanimity will get there.. just observe, anicca, anicca anicca, and be equanimous.
Following last night's last insights, and after having an evening shower, I decided to give myself a hair cut... simply to feel fresh!
Meditation after and sleep... what a wonderful resting night. Feeling accomplished already, and so ready to start sharing the Metta of my merits, although Metta day is on Day 10... just after yesterday's events.. and this morning's beautiful message, which I will share in few, all I can say, may this world awaken to the real truth, & find this truth within, to connect to Love and GOD.
This morning, I have this wonderful alarm that awakes me every day.... I think for instance I stopped using an alarm and was able to train my mind to wake up on specific hours... only that for this journey i decided to put it back. So yesterday and today, It played, I didn't snooze it and I listened, I listened to every word shared.... and oh, I simply got goosebumps every where in my being.
I am sharing it with you maybe you will use it as your alarm so when you need to awaken... you awaken to your truth and to your life.
I will share the video, as I am not able to share the song here. I am not finding the short version of the song ... the importance are the lyrics, here is the name simply google it. MOOJI Meditation ॐ Return to Innocence.
Following that, got into the washroom, and up, I open again a page in another magazine..... Guess what my attention went on...
REBIRTH..... not the fat... Rebirth.... a nice message, isn't it... another push for the Magic of Life.
If you are curious to learn more about why I was happy to see that word... beside that I am on the challenge... it is also related to my name, one, and second, if you look into by Raw Love Quotes you will learn more. Plus, with all of this, the workshops I give for women & men I call them Rebirth.
So yes, that is why a big smile overtook my face this am.
So I was up by 5:30, shower, ready to meditate after this nice morning encounter, group sitting from 7 -8 again, and by 8:30 I finally video called my parents who live in another continent... and I was so happy to see them healthy, and happy. That is a blessing by itself.
I can't wait for everything to open again, so we can fly to be with them, hug them, spend time with them, and enjoy every moment. Life is precious... and they are too.
It is 10:00 already... my morning was slower then any other one, specially when you allow yourself checking some social media... and see this plandemic news out there... the really weird stories... removing our rights are humans to be... and this bigger society wanting to enslave the population... go figure. I truly hope the people will awaken, and see the games planned behind all of this. In 2017, I had a nightmare, one, that I have already had before...if I describe it in details you will think I have watched a movie... like the ones they prepare for you to watch so you get a bit familiarized with what is coming.
Ans I remember that nightmare really well, as it was about VR, Virtual reality. Prior to the dream, a friend of mine in New had a job opening for a VR informative store, and he needed someone to organize and manage events, so I thought being an event planner, why not applying. We are talking around the beginning of May 2017. That night, I remember I was with my sister and her family in Val-David, where we rented a chalet and decided to stay there for the weekend.
I remember that night really well, as I woke up from this night mare sweating, unbalanced and so rejecting what was coming. It is like it was telling me.... no, DON'T take that job.
..... The nightmare.....
We were in a closed place, mostly dark, all the people had VRs on their eyes, covering half of their faces, all wearing dark clothes, so many body guards around us, and the exit is no were to be found.... I see all these people with VR, in Black, but also with chips... in the brain, on one of the sides, ad you can see it clearly, and as if they are being told, and guided, how to move, what is the next step, how to jump, how to group together and fight, etc.... (I still remember all the details and it has been already 3 years since I had that dream, also again, it wasn't the first time I have seen it)
In my mind, in the dream, I knew I didn't want to be part of this, I have realized that I do not have all what the other people had. & realized, I might still have an option to escape, and all I need to do is to find someone who would join me... as only few are still left with no equipments on.
The moment I found one, we starting planning our escape, discussing how we can find the exit, watching the guards at every corner, their exchange timings, and doing everything to get out of this hell, not knowing what is awaiting for us outside. All we thought about is getting the hell out of here as, I personally, didn't want to be controlled by Machines and Artificial Intelligence.
Finally, and after going around, trying every single thought and idea that came to us... we find the way.... and when the time was up to leave.... seeing the exit right there... I turn to this person who decided to join... and he/she... says... oh no... I can't leave.... you go ahead alone... And I was SHOCKED... why, why do you want to stay in this prison, like a slave, treated like a piece of sh*t.... Al I saw myself doing after is running with all the energy that I still had.... running to breath the freedom.... running to be free.... and I woke up.... all sweaty, wet sweaty... like diving in water...
I truly don't wish this to our population, or the generations to come... there is a GOD, and there is FAITH.... do NOT let any Gov, Elite, I l l u m i n a t i, F***K You up.... It is ENOUGH. WAKE UP and SAY NO to what is coming that you feel will kill your freedom...
I had to go there with this post today... not sure why.... maybe, maybe, we can all come together this time and I won't be alone fighting for the freedom of human beings.
I need a break now... I need to go out and get some sun.... I just had my green juice which was awesome, I believe this one was with Pear. Still have the other with Apple, then I will juice again.
I just finished the Day 8 Discourse, and honestly I already feel so satisfied with everything that I learned on this journey... as the journey continues... Goeknaji spoke a lot in this discourse about our inner peace and how we transmit it to others in our daily life... and how, every gift we receive from others, whether it is anger, hatred, fear, we always give back love and compassion. And this made me realize that I have been doing this for the longest period, specially after I took the 1st course, a real change happened within me, and I started passing the Dhamma to others in a way that I have experienced. & this is a blessing... I am so grateful. This was a great summary of the reason I am on this path, we start we self to heal others... always...
So by taking these few days on my own, without any connection to the outer world and dive deeper in the inner world has given me a lot of insights, despite the challenge of fasting, merging two modalities that should have never been mixed... I might have taken a fruit from one and a fruit from the other, not the whole tree... or the way I see it more clearly, is that by taking this journey, I fertilized more my earth, where my tree is planted, and I took a bit from Vipassana and a bit from the fast... and what I added to it... with what I will call craving food.. is the compost.
Tomorrow is the last day in silence... although I will tell you later what happened today, and Friday usually is the day where we learn a new meditation called Metta... and then the noble silence is over... we get to chat with everyone around, enjoy lunch and teas together... then meditate, and the second morning we depart after meditation.
I will share later here the discourse of today's 8th Day.... May you all learn from it... may you all be Happy, Peaceful and in Harmony with the Universal Law of Life = Dhamma.
So to tell you what happened today.
You know, since I have started, I never had a vocal conversation with anyone.. following the noble silence... even when I go for a walk and someone says hello or bonjour, I simply smile shyly. & the only other typing conversations, was a simply message to mum and sister to let them know I am alright.
Only today, as I went to the grocery store, I did say hello, to be polite... otherwise how will they know I am on a silent retreat - although at the beginning I did write a note " I am on a silent retreat till May 17" and carried it with me. (I did mention May 17, as after 9 days of silence, you don't want to get in the chatter with the outside word right away... 1st my speech will be slow... as I am in my silent mind... 2nd to many discussions and talks, specially about the situation outside... no thank you.. I will take few days before I hit out.
So in the store, if you need something you have to ask for it... so that was my longest conversation for the morning... and i was happy that I kind of kept it little.
Came back home, now you know most of the story as I wrote it in the previous post... so let's go back to after.
So after having set around 1pm for a meditation, I was tempted by the sun to get out... and I counted this sitting as a group sitting... so I did go for the walk a 9km total. Satisfying. Plus with the beautiful sun, the wonderful breeze... you can not ask for better, it was simply perfect.
On the way in the path between the trees... I see a friend... Gisele, I, of course, didn't shout, I kept low and looking at her... then her friend, I guess mentioned that there is a lady looking at you! hahaha.... so when she turned... I came to say hi quietly... saying that I am on the retreat... and then the small shy voice slowly started coming out.... asking, answering, sharing, a quick conversation (though for me it felt it was slow as I needed to take time to speak and express) maybe like 10 min, I guess. So Gisele, is my very good friend since few years now, and we have been traveling together in the past two years to Lebanon to share the knowledge of the Thai Yoga Massage, as she is a teacher, and I am her student...( all photos and our adventures are on our facebook pages (Seto Synergies, Raw Love Recipes, Raw Healing, Raw Marketing, and definitely more on instagram) and we organized workshops/retreats and we participated in multiple events... so we did become close... so imagine not saying hello to a dear friend when you see them after 9 days home alone! & we hugged, that was nice to connect after this pandemic not allowing you to touch anyone... how crazy is that... anyways, I won't go in discussing about this pandemic, plandemic situation.. cause it is going far beyond that it truly is. Manipulation, slavery, fear, separation, etc... what we need to do as people is stay connected and share more LOVE and Compassion.
That was a beautiful encounter for the day.. heading back home, the sun was still out, I had a call from an assistant teacher of Vipassana answering some of my questions that I left during the group sittings.. of course as my phone is mostly off, we agreed on a time to make sure I answer. And that was my first phone conversation since May 6... I was asking how can I teach kids the method, as there is a special mini anapana video and recording on the dhamma.org website that I believe I have shared in the previous posts... and my question was because soon, I will finally be going to see my nephew and niece, and I told them I will be in a silent retreat and water fast, so I won't be coming to see you ( which was the hardest thing to do, specially that they are home and I haven't seen them since April 12, until May 2.. which was the longest for me, when I am in town.) So to go for another 10 days is already a lot. But when I was home in April, I wasn't alone, so I couldn't benefit from the time to practice that... I had to wait for my flatemate to move out to be actually able to sit without disturbing anyone, and neither be disturbed.
Anyhow, I wanted to learn how I can communicate that to them, and inform them about why I took this time off... and maybe teach them the anapana.
Well first, when I go there, I will see if they will ask, and when they do, at least I will be prepared.
Sat down for a meditation group sitting after, and the sun was right in my face, so beautiful... not sure how much I meditated as I was so much enjoying the warmth of the sun and its beauty.
As mentioned, I have felt that today was so satisfying for me... and the challenge is an enjoyment... and always a journey... so what I have accomplished is already a gift, regardless of all the ups and downs that passed by along the way... isn't it life anyways... ups and downs.. and we only need to learn how to be equanimous, and allow, with love and compassion, what ever comes to leave or stay...
So, allowing is what I did.... I allowed myself to enjoy... and I couldn't resist when I came back from the walk, to have another Green smoothie, the one with kiwi, followed by a herbal Tisane that I love = Turmeric, Ginger, Cardamon, Cloves, Cinnamon) and then after the meditation, and before the discourse, I remembered all the wonderful raw salads that I used to make... with the sprouts and all the greens... yes you might say this is the mind talking... maybe it is... only that I am nourishing my body... and that is what we need to do daily... so I prepared this, and I devoured every bite of it... so slowly and in so much enjoyments.
My colorful raw salad
Raw Photos... enjoying my Green Smoothie
Today's sunset from my balcony
I truly hope your days went as unexpected as mine.... with the flow of the life's energy... with all the synchronicities and messages... (since this am)
and let's see what life has to unfold more from today onward...
It is late now for my usual time to bed, 21:44, I still have to meditate, and get ready to sleep... & tomorrow is another day!
Love you lots, hope you enjoyed my sharing, and may you all find the peace within... that will guide you through your entire life... and your energy starts multiplying love, generosity, kindness and compassion... always.
Here is tonight's discourse... still two more to go... stay tuned for the magic of life tomorrow!
Today... what a wonderful day, sunny, breezy, woke up at 4:40, did some Vipassana while lying down, as it was mentioned during yesterday's Discourse.
What a wonderful Discourse by the way, Day 6 he was speaking about the Our Inner Enemies, and Day 7 it was about Our Inner Friends.. more to elaborate later.
Going to the bathroom to wash up and get ready, I usually have magazines on the counter, so I decided to open a page randomly.
First I read, diabetes... I am like what? Then I read Renna... I am like no way... The word that didn't get to my attention at first was THRIVING!!!!
can you believe it! so I started reading the article, even before reading Thriving... and I start thinking, NO I DON'T Have Diabetes, as I haven't had sugar, processed sugar since over 11 years now if not more... I do have dates, maple syrup, honey and of course fruits... but not in a big quantity.
So I starting thinking again, and I do realize that because I haven't done any grocery shopping since April 12, 2020, and the things I had in the fridge were:
Beets & Celery... and mixed sprouts... I am like I had to eat beets for almost a week time (2 big Beet roots) will that create an issue? I don't think so...
Then, I have prepared Kombucha, which I have used Rooibos tea and I did add cane sugar, or which ever "healthy" type of sugar I had... and had some left over in the pot... so I have mixed that Rooibos with the other herbal tea I was having for two days.. (like 750ml maybe) as the main was already filled in the Kombucha jar (which is fermenting still)... not sure either!
Then, in one of the water I was preparing, I had lemon, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and apple vinegar cider.... naaaa...
Since I started this challenge, I also had 2/3 spoons of honey... I remember they used to give us one spoon per day in Egypt....
Anyways, with all that I don't think I can become diabetic... can I!!!
So again... this is where the mind takes you... to think over and over and wonder.... knowing that in my family we have a disposition for it.
Now reading the title again!!
THRIVING.... is the word that I should have READ & RENNA as both are in different fonts... and BOLD. So go Figure the messages sent by the universe! THANK YOU UNIVERSE!
So showering, and getting ready, snapped a photo of the view around the rising sun, and a photo of myself... which I haven't done in a long time.. and I noticed.... the more white hair.... seriously... is that what I should look at... I think I have to do another 10 days again... so this monkey mind of mine get trained enough... I feel I am back 10 years ago and going through the same journey again... but a bit differently.
Group sitting Meditation this morning was really amazing, I got to be able to focus on the breath, some sensations here and there, before that I was listening to the morning chanting while preparing my warm lemony water after having 1L of water when I woke up.
That was a good start for the day.
Guess what I did next! ...... I went grocery shopping.... I said... of course after my mind went by all over the place with diabetes... and all the mixed things I had with the cravings... I said... ONLY GREENS... nothing more.
So I shopped for the following... didn't even allow myself to go around the shelves to see, like I love doing...
Red & Yellow pepper
I still have at home, Ginger and Turmeric so I started juicing when I got home...
Just had my first Green juice
Then made 3 others... different types, one that has Kiwi, without the dandelion, then second with Pear without dandelion, parley and coriander, added Ginger and Turmeric (after I remembered them) and a third with Apple.
And here you go!
Right to Left: Totally Green - With Apple, with Kiwi, with Pear
And what do I do with the Pulp? I freeze it.... for later to make some Burgers!!!
So here is what y fridge looked like before and after!! (Haven't had greens since over a month now... well not really I did have sprouts and I am still sprouting... here are my lovely Lentil Sprouts
I will be adding one juice to the water fast per day.. and no more junky, recycling what ever things for now... Focus Focus Focus
Ok enough talking about juices, now it is time to meditate again and group sitting after... then go for a walk on this sunny beautiful day..
I will later on, or maybe tomorrow write you about the Inner Enemies and the Inner Friends.. the ones we need to let go of and the ones we need to nourish... (you can also listen to the discourse and you will learn a lot with stories and examples)
Following the writing of the previous post, which took a big chunk of the day, I was hesitant between heading for a walk, or meditating alone for an hour. This mind mental debate is unbelievable.
Finally & happily, I decided to meditate, as this is what I am here for.. walks are important and part of the schedule, and it is important to move your body a bit, & at least you get the sensation of meditation in motion. So what made me happy is that I didn't surrender to the mind and I went with my feelings.
Meditation was awesome, and my legs got numb.. they have been getting so numb in my sittings, and my tail bone is not giving me a break, a true suffering in this body, and my tibia muscle is killing me, I have to find a way to stretch it that helps.
Once done, and finally was ready to go out, getting ready for this unpredicted type of weather, I did go for this walk, and I was please to feel my energy, my body that were truly strong, almost an hour or so, walked & hiked around 8km. What a bliss! Even with the wind, the cold breeze, I felt I managed to walk faster then the past two days, I didn't feel exhausted at all, I felt more nourished.
Coming back home, on time for the group sitting at 2:30, which I assisted to from the Dhamma app recordings - I think during it I dozed off a bit, again numb legs, and an uneasy sitting.
Finishing up, I was debating with myself, should I go grocery shopping today to get ready to juice after, do I want to start juicing on Friday for few days to at least be able to have a cake on the 20th?
Even though, the other day, during meditation or right after, an idea came to mind, I remembered some people asked me to learn about this journey, specifically the juice cure. What came up was that I can host an online group to juice together, where I will share the ingredient of every recipe, we juice separately at home, and we meet virtually every 3 days as check ins, and more recipes. At the same time, as I have been preparing this tiny Juice Cure Book for few years now, that I haven't finished due to design and lack of photos, I thought, maybe the participants can share their photos of their juices of each recipe, and will get to choose from these to add in the book. And because since I have started the path of Vipassana, and that I have switched my type of work to healing, through guidance and food, and as it was my only source of income, although I always wanted to find the best way to share my knowledge for free, or maybe a donation, unfortunately, my way of minimal living couldn't afford that, for that reason I had to charge.
What I have been thinking, maybe by being able to provide myself the basic financial needs, then I can be happily sharing my knowledge on donation basis... dana, like in Vipassana. It is the way to teach, as what we experience is something we always want to share with the world, and I always believed that education should be free.... thus I created a big event in 2016, Pure Wellness Expo and it was donation based for participants to visit and enjoy what was offered for the day.
Anyhow, this is my thought, and I will look into maybe changing or adding a donation box on my website, for whom ever would like guidance, and their only means is to offer something minimal.
I remember, when I started, I didn't charge, I was too shy to ask, though, I did ask the clients to spare a meal to someone they know that can't afford it.. it is all about paying forward...
So for this Juicing workshop/support group, maybe will put one together in June, donation basis, and that will give many the opportunity to jump in this journey, specially before the summer, and of course, after this lock down, some might have gain weight, and it would be perfect timing to give health and love to the body.
I will put together a sample survey, which you can check in and sign up with some dates that are convenient for you.
Another thing happened this afternoon, after the meditation, I decided to write another post, about some of the discourse yesterday, which I recorded to write it... it took a long time, as there was many mistakes that I needed to listen to part of the discourse again, and looking at the time, I got frustrated and nerves that I am not finishing it, and I might not be able to post it today, as in 45 min we start the online group sitting, then the day 7th discourse, then night meditation and off to bed.... so yes not time to write it or post it.
Anyhow, this got me really, and while heating the soup that I prepared yesterday, the recycled soup, I found in the cupboard, maybe some of my Airbnb visitors left a bag of spicy butternut squash seeds - and i thought, let me just taste... and off it goes.. well, not all the bag, but mostly, and I was like, oh no, oh no, I am craving... I am really craving, and I haven't craved for a long time... that word was even out of my dictionary. Thinking that the soup was warm enough, I poured a bit, (though I wasn't that hungry, but I thought if I am to go to the grocery shop, I'd better have something, otherwise I might buy all the store... well I didn't even go) While having it, which wasn't tasty at all, specially after having those savory, chili butternut squash with spices... I was disappointed, couldn't even find in me any gratitude for that soup.. and I was so angry about myself... plus I am pmsing.. so go figure ladies.... got the butternut bag again and had more... oh no, oh no, what have I done.... What kind of commitment am I really doing.... what is this bullshit challenge that I took and couldn't even keep.. oh yes, the mind starting talking, bullying, creating stories... as if all that I have already done is gone down the sink.... oh my... how the mind functions....
and I failed to finish that post, as I got angry, unhappy with the food... and what ever... I am so disappointed. Actually this is how I wanted to start this post, then I made myself remember that no, I actually had good things happening before this moment...
I am in this mind debate... today is day 7, I have abstained from all the precepts, but not the one I took on for me, the water fast..adding liquid food, plus not having the meals on time... maybe going for longer walks then I should, and meditating definetly the three times sitting, morning alone time, mid day alone time and afternoon alone time... but not as precise.... oh no, what kind of a commitment is that....
Plus, forgot to mention, that the teacher wrote me yesterday, and said, as I am not prepared for this self-course, mixing fasting and course together, which she didn't approve, plus not having any real food at home as I have emptied my fridge to make sure I do NOT try to eat... that wasn't a good way to get in a course like this.... so all of this... got in my mind, from the time I got the email yesterday... and I was looking for a way to quit all this... then I looked at the bright side... still with all the mistakes I have done, I got to have good things in the process, I got insights, got the time to write again, plan for my future, lost weight, got to keep my exercise, haven't spoken to anyone in 7 days... all of this should count... no?
Ah and yes, one of the precepts or code of discipline is not to read or write, or check any electronics... so I am here using my mac, to write, on a daily basis, also sending a message daily to mum so she makes sure I am fine, and my sister checks here and then... being home alone, they get worried...
So... my question to myself is:
Have I failed? Haven't I witness new things in this process? Should I do it again - one time the self-course alone and be more prepared- and another time the water fast, followed by the juice cure.... What am I trying to prove? I have done all of this during the past 8 years and I have nailed it each time... only that I wasn't alone at home... and so what, I am used to being alone... what is this mind speaking now... maybe my intentions were different - wanted to truly show that we can live only with water... I did that and I know how it feels, only that this time I shouldn't have planned it with Vipassana specifically, it should have been a different way... I learned... I learned....
With all this, I know that I have lost 3.5kg, drank daily at least 3/4 L of water and 1L of water with lemon (the preps I have done) 500ml of any other liquid form of food or mylk (plant based I did at home with hemp or oats)/ or recycled soups from the freezer. And surely the 1L of Herbal tea... I know I would have managed without food or cravings... just to satisfy the mind, I did it... not the body... I still have constipation it has been 3 days. Outch! I got to rework on my system again...
The good thing is that I have been waking up much earlier then usual and I would truly like to keep it that way, plus follow the two sitting daily online in the am and pm, surely to keep writing, whether I post them or not, it doesn't matter, I am getting the simple pleasure of sharing to myself... like I did when I first started this blog... only for my challenge... didn't seek fans or followers... if it gets in people's hands then good, and if it doesn't then it is good too.
( not I do not have a daily diary, I have been finding it hard to handwrite... I start doing many mistakes... if you have been wondering, why should I put everything online instead of keeping it to myself...)
It is already 17:40, online group sitting is starting soon - must get ready...
I hope I didn't bore you will all this... I know it is very very long to read...
after the sitting, I will add the Day 7 Discourse... & will share my merits from it tomorrow...
Have yourselves a wonderful evening.
That kind of Snack... Cravings Cravings..
Raw Chocolate from Italy had it since November 2019
Yesterday's discourse what very very insightful, Goenkaji spoke about different enemies of the mind, & how many impurities the mind can have, all about the aversions, the miseries, the cravings, oh my goodness, how the mind is a manipulator. & that helped me uncover so many things that have passed in my life, & more specifically about an incident that happened at the beginning of the year that lasted 4.5 months.
I will also share some insights from last night's discourse of day 6 in a next post. Some important highlights that will help you in your day to day life, and makes you open up your eyes about many things - I surely also encourage you to watch it regardless.
Also to mention, that after the 6 pm group sitting, they shared a wonderful video about Vipassana in TedX talk - here is the video to watch
After watching this, I was very interested to find out how can we spread the message about Dhamma all over the world, and help more people to find peace of mind, balance in their life, and more love and compassion
Anyways, going back to the discourse, after listening and getting myself ready for the meditation, I made sure to check on the sprouts I sprouted - watering them, and drying, brushing my teeth, filling my water bottles - than I sat down to meditate.
Oh... so many things happened in this meditation, so many thoughts, body movements, vibrations, electrifying sensations along the body, day 6 and almost during all my meditations, it was a sensation that was so present. Of course, always equanimity, and Anicca, impermanence. Nothing last, everything is in a changing manner... something we all need to know.
I will share some of the insights and what I have realized during that meditation which gave me more peace in mind, & also reflecting on how the previous Vipassana courses have came to give me self-realizations about so many other things too.
That night, sleeping was uncomfortable.. I had a strange dream/nightmare, that made my whole body shiver, & I couldn't find a way to be equanimous with it, or send love & compassion, it was so hard... and kind of disturbed my whole morning today - event my thoughts of writing are a bit itchy.
So in the dream, it was about a person who has planned on performing something in a resort that I used to go to during the summer, someone who is very down to earth, nice, who, asked me to write a note to the security at the door to give permission to his friend to come join him as he was afraid that because of his friend's looks, misery and poverty, they won't allow him in. So trusting this performer and I wrote a note and handed to the security.
All of a sudden, I hear fire guns, and the performer has been injured along with some people around him, and the hitter was not to be found... getting so worried & anxious about all what is happening, not knowing what to do & how to help, so started asking around to see who is the murderer, and to my shock, it was the person I asked the security to allow his entrance... and here I felt so guilty, guilty of charge that I am the one who allowed this person in, he fired at his friend, the one who kindly asked me to give permission to allow him in... and I did that with a lot of love, kindness and compassion... ( during Goenkaji's discourse, he mentioned many stories and one was about killing, and how, after this killer met Buddha, he got on the path of Dhamma, and started sharing the merits of this practice and be became compassionate and started teaching the dhamma, also during the video on the TedX talk it was about that too) ( I had to go in the kitchen now to prepare a warm drink to get my mind and body warm so I can keep on writing...)
So I am in bed, rolling around, half asleep half awake, trying to find the equanimity in all of this... in addition to that, this murderer seems to have lived a miserable life, so unfortunate, so abused, and so not merciful, and in this resort, a lot of people who go there, are averagely well off, educated, and have the capacity to pleasure themselves, so he had other intentions when he came in, neither his friend of myself were aware of that. His friend died of the incident and I am still trying to rationalise all of this in my mind, asking for forgiveness, trying to forgive myself, but this mind of mine was very stubborn, I couldn't let go of the idea that I was the one who allowed this to happen.. plus at the end of the dream, realizing that the family was gathering for dinner with their spouses, in a restaurant down in this resort (which in my dream, this resort looked so much different that what it is, even the chalet I used to stay at was so charming, so big, I was like how the heaven did we get this kind of chalet...) anyways, back to the main story, in the morning in the dream, we got an announcement that during this dinner, all the members of the family were murdered... all this became a Murdoch Mysteries, a series I never watched before, & I am simply guessing it speaks about murders and mysteries. & of course, my mind never was able to find equanimity - and I woke up.
The idea of doing something out of care, love, kindness and compassion, was translated into this, & the practice is to find equanimity with this, to forgive myself... wasn't easy... and I am still going through this today.
This brings up something I mentioned up at the beginning about an insight I had during the meditation at night.
At the beginning of the year, I offered a situation to someone I trust, out of compassion and kindness, in the knowing, that this offer is beneficial to both of us. In the offer contract, the main important items were well written, and knowing that person's way of being, my mind started shaking, and building stories - that one day this offer's agreement might change & I will have to be submissive to the new adjustments that were out of question.
So my mind tricked me into being submissive to it (The mind), not to the offer or the someone ...neither to the agreement (that was the insight, that made me feel so relieved) & I spent many months rolling this around, trying to find peace in my mind, and that just didn't happen... so few months in this agreement, as my intuition spoke to me... this someone came with another adjustment to the agreement... and I flipped... I simply couldn't find the peace, the equanimity in me to accept the changes, as that wasn't part of the agreement, & that made me feel so guilty, so bad, so unbearable, to myself... , at least I have realized that my mind tricked me for something I allowed to hunt me a long period of time, along to my intuition that is always present to protect me, only that, what I should have done is simply been more equanimous, and have let go of the thought from the start.. and allow what life has to show later to be instead of building blocks, and acting strangely and being so numb. Anyways, the relief happened when this whole agreement was unsealed - and each departed in their own way.
Anyways, those stories happen daily, simply observing the body' sensations, and allowing them to arise and be released, as everything is impermanent, Anicca, Anicca, Anicca..
It is already 10:47, on this May 12, 2020, and I started writing early around almost an hour ago, where I should have been meditating and heading out for a walk in the sun, even though it is getting cold.
Just to mention, the meditation last night helped me a lot, and I felt so much Metta, I even sent Metta to whom ever encountered me in their lives, that maybe, without any bad intention, I might have hurt them, or I haven't been up to their expectation, I am simply grateful to have been in your lives... and one day may you realize that all that I have done was coming out of compassion, kindness and love... even if the message wasn't as clear as that. We all do mistakes, and we are bound to be forgiven.
May you all forgive yourselves, and forgive others by finding the Metta in your heart, and by shinning your lights where ever you are... May you all be happy, find the equanimity in your path, allowing the calming of the mind, and feeling the subtler sensations in your body, and knowing that everything is impermanent, & allow yourselves to live in the here and now. The is the Present, & that is the Gift.
Will continue about Day 7 in the second post - Gosh I have so many to write, and I almost half the day is over. (well kind of when you wake up at 5 and it is almost 11)